Thoughts on Mother's Day

I have been debating whether or not to write about my personal reflections on Mother's Day as I was not sure I wanted to share something so deeply personal for me. But after a great deal of thought and reflection, I have decided to blog in the hopes that it may help others out there.

As most of you know, I lost my own Mom 12 years ago to complications from diabetes and kidney failure. Mom and I were extremely close - about as close as a daughter and Mom can get. She was a joy to be around, had a gentle spirit and sense of humor. She loved her family, her friends, and God with a deep and undying passion. She was an amazing and talented artist and she shared those gifts with those that she loved. I have always said that I was truly and deeply blessed to have the Mom that I had - and in the grand scheme of things, 24 years was not nearly long enough to share with her.

As you can imagine, Mother's Day since then has been particularly difficult, and is compounded for me by another issue. When I was 19, I was diagnosed with PCOD which to make a long story short, means that I cannot have children. Oh, I could maybe, but it would involve thousands of dollars worth of fertilization treatments and as most of you know, money is NEVER something I have enough of. And of course there is the hassle, the pain, the agony of the fertilization treatments. Add to it that I am diabetic, and I have had to come with terms with the fact that children are something that will most likely never be a part of my future.

Over the years, I have endured the looks, the questions, the embarrassment of trying to explain to people why I don't have children. It is extremely painful to try to explain and often times, I am hiding tears while trying to explain "what is wrong with me." (And yes - I have been asked this question more than once.) Once when going through a particularly hard financial spot in my life, I was told by a co-worker (who had several children of her own) to "just have a kid" so that I could get government help - as if it was that easy...lol.

So Mother's Day often brings a huge plethora of emotions for me - but mainly it makes me sad - sad for what is missing in my life and sad for the fact that I will never hear the word "mom' meant for me.

This Mother's Day, I want all of you out there with children to hold them close, give them a kiss and be thankful for the blessing you received. If you are lucky enough to still have your Mom with you, then do the same. And if you see a childless woman, please think before asking what is wrong with her. It may not be by her choosing that she has no children.

Color My World

I have been quietly working away on some pieces - a couple of new designs, and some of my classic patterns in new color ways will be coming out fairly soon. I am always looking for new inspiration and thought I would ask those of you out there what colors would you like to see me design in? What color combinations turn you on? What colors do you wear most? I would really love to hear some of your suggestions because it may give me a fresh perspective of some of my pieces.

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around these parts. I found myself being quite interested in the Royal Wedding - at the last minute. I am not sure why as it was not something I was really interested in until it actually happened. Maybe it does speak to that small part of me that always dreamed of being a Princess. =)

And there is a large part of me that feels a little bit guilty for being happy at the news that Osama Bin Laden was dead. It really goes against my nature to feel happy upon hearing the news that someone died. But as one of my friends said on Facebook "However he died was too good for him." That pretty much sums it up for me.

Last but not least, I am wondering if my bank will approve me for a loan to buy gas and groceries? Here in central Ohio, gas is currently at $4.19/gal - and the cost of groceries has sky-rocketed in the past week.

It's a Small World...

(do you have the awful song stuck in your head now???? Do ya, do ya, do ya???)

Sorry about that. Really, I didn't mean to do it, but I did it to myself so thought that I would share my pain with you. ;-)

I have to share with you a funny story - one of those "wow, that is really weird" kind of stories.

As many of you know, I work as a waitress. A couple of months ago, I started working at a breakfast bistro place here in town. I really like it a lot and it is the happiest I have been at a job in years. In the evenings, you will often find me in front of my computer plugging my shop online or on the couch in front of the tv, working on a new design or a special order.

A week or two ago, an old friend of mine (Tammy) contacted me and asked me to make my funky plaid bracelet in black, silver and gold. Of course I agreed - I love to make my designs in new color ways - so over the weekend, I worked it up and it turned out beautifully! I was thrilled with the end result. I finished it up last night, and let Tammy now that her piece was ready - and that I would be taking pictures of it today.

(Stick with me here - I promise that my apparent rambling will make sense by the end.)

This morning, I was getting ready for work - and decided to wear Tammy's piece in - because it was a really, really cool bracelet. Also - I will do this some times as a quality control measure - to make sure that my pieces will not fall apart easily. It also gives me a chance to look for any issues that may arise with it.

I went to work and had been there about 45 minutes, when 2 young ladies came in with a little girl. I greeted them at the door - and to my complete jaw-dropping astonishment, it was Tammy! Yes - the same Tammy that had ordered this bracelet. Yes - the same Tammy I had not seen in 20 years. Yes - that Tammy. She had no idea I worked there - this was simply a "we decided to go out for breakfast and we like to eat here" kind of thing. I am still in shock over this "small world" occurrence.

She was thrilled with the bracelet by the way - and took it home with her. Which means no pictures - but I will be making another one of these. =)

God works in mysterious ways.

Etsy, Etsy, Etsy...

*shakes head in sadness*

Etsy - I used to love you. Yes - I may not have ever had a ton of sales through you, but I did in fact love and respect you and all that you used to represent. I told so many people about you and the great and unique items that could be found on your site. I told strangers about you. I loved you and cared for you. I met new and wonderful people through you. Then like a romance going bad, you started making little changes that show me that the end of our love story is coming. And it makes me sad, very, very sad.

I have not given up on our love just yet. Oh no. But be aware that I see the signs coming. You can still change back into the site I used to love, although my hope diminishes by the day. You keep making changes that cause hundreds if not thousands of vendors and buyers beg you to change, and you quite simply, ignore them. I do not want you to become another EBay or Facebook because you are Etsy - and that is indeed a grand and glorious thing!

In the past six months, I have seen you change the thriving forum community on Etsy into a fond memory. Oh sure - they are still there - but they are a fragment of what the community once was because YOU disbanded them. You forced people to join teams for the same things that they used to do in the forums - only we reached a much larger audience through the forums. By doing this, you have made it much harder for customers to actually be able to find us. (Not that it was ever easy to find us through Etsy - but the old forums did make it easier.)

Then there was the whole privacy debacle that occurred recently. What would EVER possess you automatically "opt in" everyone so that their information would be shared on the site??? Why would you think that this would be a good thing? Why did you not notify everyone of this change ahead of time??? Whoever thought that this was a good decision, needs a serious time out in the corner to think about what he has done. I don't need another Facebook in my life - one is enough.

And then there are the front page listings I have seen of late. The one that really made me upset - and made me realize that my unique, handmade, original jewelry designs mean nothing to you - was the listing for "sawdust"(http://www.etsy.com/listing/68853679/throw-sawdust-instead-of-rose-petals?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=sawdust&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade). Yes - a listing for FRESH (because who wants stale) sawdust made it to the front page of Etsy. (You can throw it instead of rice at a wedding.) So for $2.99 + shipping and handling, you can own a 5x7" bag of sawdust. Now Etsy, I realize that I am MUCH more expensive than $2.99, but you know - I was really hurt by this betrayal. I put a lot more effort into my items than scooping some sawdust off the floor, so I do feel that I am worth more than $2.99 + s&h. And you felt that this was front page worthy??? Really. Well - that does make me feel pretty worthless to you - and makes me pretty darn angry.

I was thinking that maybe I would open another store called "Stuff in A Jar" or even "Sh*t in a Jar" and see what I could come up with that might be front page worthy. I have some dryer lint around here - I know I could get a jar or 2 of that pretty quickly. And I have some pretty unruly dust bunnies ("Just in time for Easter!") that I could wrangle up. (They are organic, free-range dust bunnies.) And I have plenty of dust around here as well. All of these would go nicely in a jar. I could even add glitter and sequins to them for that added touch.

Please Etsy, don't make me break up with you. I don't want too. Please don't make me. I want us to be happy and committed to each other and walk into the sunset hand-in-hand together. I want us to be "happily-ever-after." Please stop the suicidal mission that you seem to be on - one that is driving away vendors and buyers. We love what you once were...

What to do?

Many times, I think about blogging - and then don't because I am not sure what to write. I try to keep my blog focused on my jewelery - with the occasional update about my life as I want my readers to get to know me. Plus - how boring would my blog be if every post was "Look at what I made!" or "Here's my newest creation!" I love making jewelery (don't get me wrong) but reading a blog like that would quite simply bore me.

Many of my fellow bead weaving artisans are very creative with their blogs. They talk about anything and everything and somehow relate it to their business or their designs. I struggle with this. I find inspiration from searching the web often times which is not exactly the most exciting topic of discussion. And so I am back to the question: "What to do?" or more exactly "I know I need to update my blog but I have absolutely no idea what to talk about."

And so we arrive here:

I am blogging a little about my life today. Not long ago, I posted about the tumult in my life and the uncertainty I was facing after losing my job. It took me a while, but I have found a new job as a server at a breakfast place. Now those of you who actually, personally know me will think that hell has indeed frozen over as I am *NOT* a morning person. Nope. No way. Snowball has a better chance in hell than me actually being a morning person. But here's the thing: I have been there several weeks so far - and I am truly liking it. I don't hate getting out of bed in the morning. I actually WANT to get out of bed in the morning - and the only time I have said that I didn't want to go into work was 1 morning in which I really, really, really wanted to go back to sleep. I am holding out hope that I may in fact become a morning person although I will be sad to put the "night owl" to rest so to speak. (I have always loved the peace and the quiet of the middle of the night.) I want to function on a "normal" schedule without it feeling like a drag.

On the jewelery front, the new job has given me more time to work on making jewelery. I am focusing more on my stores online. I have quite a few new designs coming, but the biggest problem I have is taking pictures. I simply hate doing it. The process has gotten easier, but I still hate doing it. I will share pictures with you once I get some more taken and of course when I have some new pieces to show you.

Last but not least, the new job has allowed me to spend more time with Ansel. I do enjoy his company a lot. At the old job, we were often like 2 ships passing in the night as he would be getting home from work and I would be going in - and by the time I got home he would be already asleep or close to it. Last week, we had the following exchange that I found really funny:

Ansel (after looking at my rather messy work uniform): "You are a mess. I could work all day and not get anything on me."
Me: "Well, not everyone can be perfect like you are, darling."
Ansel: "Now, now let's get this straight. I am ONLY perfect on Tuesdays and since today is Friday, you will just have to wait until Tuesday for perfection." =)

Good night all!

It's a fiesta!

OK - maybe it is not really a fiesta - but my newest design certainly feels like a party! I am calling it my Day of the Dead inspired piece. I love the bright colors I chose for this one - and I am really pleased with how the little skulls turned out. The boy skull is wooing the girl - and since she is all puckered up for kiss, the flower he is holding in his mouth must have done the trick! =)

I also have pictures to show you of my Butterfly Dreams bracelet done with a yellow butterfly - it is certainly cheerful!

And last but not least, I have pictures of the art deco choker that I made. It turned out great! I need to find a wealthy rock star as I have decided that I need to make this one into a guitar strap.

Boil, boil, trouble and toil...

Well, I am here. I managed to survive the holidays this year, but I was terribly glad to see them go. My grinch-like persona was magnified by this being the first holiday season without my Dad. Add to that being completely and totally broke - and well - it was a relief when it was over.

The last few months have been chaotic for me. I have struggled at work as I discovered that this was toxic environment to work in. It is hard to stay positive as a server when everything around you brings you down. It all came to a head last Friday night when I slipped and said a cuss word (mind you - away from my tables and no guests heard me) and a manager heard it. In my defense - I had worked 32 hours in 3 days and was pretty exhausted at that point - and was not pleased when I got sat another table that night (after already being there over 10 hours). Monday, I come to find myself without employment which is quite honestly stressing me out. I know I should not have said it - but I did and I cannot take it back. I felt terrible about it right away - and apologized quite a few times about it - but I am human and unfortunately it was a mistake. I have learned from it but hope that I will be able to find gainful employment quickly. However, I am firm in my belief that God does not close one window without opening another.

So, I find myself suddenly with quite a bit of free time on my hands in between searching for a job online and filling out applications. So I have been busy beading. Above I have shared with you the pictures of projects taken over the past few months - but were never posted here on my blog. There will be more pictures coming over the next few days/weeks as I have quite a bit more on my plate - and several patterns that are waiting to be beaded - not to mention all the projects that simply need to be completed. What can I say? I have completion issues. =)

And last but not least, today would have been my Dad's 65th birthday. I miss you so much - you are still my number 1 fan.