I have been debating whether or not to write about my personal reflections on Mother's Day as I was not sure I wanted to share something so deeply personal for me. But after a great deal of thought and reflection, I have decided to blog in the hopes that it may help others out there.
As most of you know, I lost my own Mom 12 years ago to complications from diabetes and kidney failure. Mom and I were extremely close - about as close as a daughter and Mom can get. She was a joy to be around, had a gentle spirit and sense of humor. She loved her family, her friends, and God with a deep and undying passion. She was an amazing and talented artist and she shared those gifts with those that she loved. I have always said that I was truly and deeply blessed to have the Mom that I had - and in the grand scheme of things, 24 years was not nearly long enough to share with her.
As you can imagine, Mother's Day since then has been particularly difficult, and is compounded for me by another issue. When I was 19, I was diagnosed with PCOD which to make a long story short, means that I cannot have children. Oh, I could maybe, but it would involve thousands of dollars worth of fertilization treatments and as most of you know, money is NEVER something I have enough of. And of course there is the hassle, the pain, the agony of the fertilization treatments. Add to it that I am diabetic, and I have had to come with terms with the fact that children are something that will most likely never be a part of my future.
Over the years, I have endured the looks, the questions, the embarrassment of trying to explain to people why I don't have children. It is extremely painful to try to explain and often times, I am hiding tears while trying to explain "what is wrong with me." (And yes - I have been asked this question more than once.) Once when going through a particularly hard financial spot in my life, I was told by a co-worker (who had several children of her own) to "just have a kid" so that I could get government help - as if it was that easy...lol.
So Mother's Day often brings a huge plethora of emotions for me - but mainly it makes me sad - sad for what is missing in my life and sad for the fact that I will never hear the word "mom' meant for me.
This Mother's Day, I want all of you out there with children to hold them close, give them a kiss and be thankful for the blessing you received. If you are lucky enough to still have your Mom with you, then do the same. And if you see a childless woman, please think before asking what is wrong with her. It may not be by her choosing that she has no children.